It creeps up on you
No amount of compensation can make up for what was taken away
No number of special moments
Serendipitous signs
can replace the solid, tangible, empty space
you’ve left behind

All the sense
I’ve made this make
cannot make up for the sinking feeling
when I awake

To face not seeing your face
I drive to the sea
Searching the beach
How can it be?

All the days that we survive
Add up to 365

Brave faces
Loving embraces
Holding spaces
Navigating
this
storm
Crying my make up off so many times
Then days go by when I feel just… fine

But I haven’t forgotten
Sometimes I just have to walk into that dance class, eyes swollen

Keep moving
Cause keeping still is
all consuming

1 year in
and we face the fact
that you’re not coming back
You’re ok
But we’re not
A year in
How is it that 1 year ago

you went for that final swim?
 

All the days that we survived

All add up to 365

Some days the vail between here and there feels so thin
But some days
“feeling presence” is not enough
I want to hug you
Skin on skin

Sucking it up for as long as I can
Grieving looks manic
Misplaced emotion feels grim
We’ve survived for you
Been propelled forward in honour of you

Shocked to the core
Dumfounded
Floored
How is it that 1 year ago you went for that fatal swim?

Will anyone recognise that
this sorrow is love with no place to go?
Now I get it
They say
Grief is love
With nowhere to go

Misplaced words
Misplaced feelings
Apologies in advanced
This is me grieving

Misplaced words
Misplaced feelings
Please don’t judge
This is my process for healing.